HK Efficiency

On her way home from her usual Saturday noon facial, the wife bought me a takeout lunch. The order slip just reminds me how efficient Hong Kong businesses are, especially those in the restaurant industry :



The order was for fried spaghetti with pork chops. The full name for the dish in Chinese should be 干炒豬扒意大利粉. But on the order slip, it's just 干朱扒以.

Imagine if this had been in English - the restaurant would have shortened the name to "fripighetti".

The Chinese characters for "pork" and "Italian" weren't even correct, but they sound the same and require fewer strokes. If I had ordered a rice dish, I would expect the character "飯" to be simplified to "反". Orders for tea would be written or printed merely as "T".

The use of the simpler, similar-sounding characters also make the order slips idiot-proof. Even older, poorly-educated staff could read them.

By the way, this is what my lunch looked like.



Hey, that's Hong Kong-style fusion food for you - Italian pasta fried Chinese-style.

This quest for ever greater efficiency is obviously not shared by the proprietors of the Indian food stall at the VivoCity Food Republic food court, which I patronised during my last trip back.

You see, they divide up their little operation into FOUR stations. As you wait in line and get closer to the cash register, you give your roti prata order to the PRATA guy first. Take note that the prata guy accepts ONLY PRATA ORDERS. If you also want a mutton biryani or a teh tarik, go tell his RICE, and then BEVERAGE colleagues down the line. Each guy takes orders only for the type of food that he's responsible for. Even if you just wanted a drink (like me), you must still tell PRATA guy and RICE guy that, sorry, I just want a teh tarik, (and take in their looks of indifference) as you inch towards BEVERAGE guy.

(Mind you, this is just a four-metre-wide food stall that we are talking about. Not a cafeteria line)

And when you get to CASH REGISTER guy, you must repeat your order to him. Not so that he could make sure that you got all the food that you ordered, but just to make sure that he collects the right amount of money from you.

So who, in that sequence of exchanges, is in charge of making sure that the customer gets what he wanted and paid for ? The customer. When PRATA guy finishes making the egg prata, he just passes it to CASH REGISTER guy who would ask the group of waiting customers, "Whose is this ?"

Any Hong Kong person would be able to tell you that the best system would be for CASH REGISTER guy to take all the orders, pass them to the respective "stations", and put each customer's food order together on a tray.

But noooooooooo, our friends at Food Republic are special.

Big.Deal

One piece of news from home that I read about yesterday was a "new formula" announced by the Minister for the Civil Service, Teo Chee Hean, to bring Singapore's development to the next level.

It sounded like an exciting idea. Maybe those guys are really worth that pay hike, I thought.

But after reading the text of his speech a few times, I still couldn't get a handle on what's so NEW about this formula.

It sounded like more of the same. Been there, done that.

I could not get myself to feel excited about this World.Singapore and "TKCL" (Trust-Knowledge-Connected-Life) thingy.

You want a new formula ? How about "2F" ?

Freedom of speech. Freedom of expression.

It was also reported that something like 19 teams have been set up within the Civil Service to think of ways to put this formula to work.

Yup. They have all the answers. Peasants - you just wait to hear from them.

In the meantime, keep working.

I Ain't Bankrolling Them

One small consolation that I've retained from this episode is the fact that I don't pay Singapore taxes any more and hence I will not be contributing directly to the coffers of that Band of Greedy and Boring Men.

Instead, my tax money goes to this guy. I derive comfort from the fact that - if I am so inclined - I can walk from my office over to his administration building in Central, stand outside the gates, and shout "Donald Tsang, you're a prick !" and then walk unmolested to Wellington Street for a bowl of wanton noodles.

If I am so inclined, that is. But I like Donald. I think he's a nice, albeit bland, guy who tries to do the right thing. I'll buy him a beer if I get the chance.

Men In White, you can buy your own fucking beer. (And be damned sure that someone had pee'd in it !)

Want Early Lunch Just Say So Lah

The consulate of a European country occupies the office unit next to my workplace. It's a small operation, with around 4 European and 3 local (HK Chinese) staff.

This morning, I was walking past its front entrance on my way to the washroom when I noticed a sign that read :

CLOSED 1200-1230 FOR INTERNAL STRIKE

Perhaps they felt they're underpaid too … …

Who Says We Are A Police State ?

This is great news !!!

Sunday Times - April 8, 2007
Punched? Cops may not nab the culprit

Law allows for police to arrest suspects immediately in attacks only when there are severe injuries

By Teh Joo Lin & Melissa Sim

WHEN design executive Kong Lai Meng landed in hospital after being attacked in March, she expected to see her attacker arrested.

Even though she had been punched and beaten with her own handbag, police told her it was a 'civil matter' and advised her to file a magistrate's complaint at the Subordinate Courts.

... ...

Last year, 3,659 magistrates' complaints were filed. Of these, 1,164 cases - or 32 per cent - concerned alleged assaults, making it the most common grievance brought before a magistrate.

But, strange as it seems, the police officers are just following the law. The list of criminal offences under Singapore law can be broadly divided into those where the police can arrest the suspect without a warrant - in other words, on the spot - and those where they cannot.

For assault cases resulting in injuries, the power to arrest depends on the situation. Where a fight results in serious injury for example, police can cuff a suspect immediately. These cases are termed 'voluntarily causing grievous hurt'.

If the injuries resulting from an attack are not severe, they generally do not have this power. Such assaults are classified as 'voluntarily causing hurt'.

The difference in the maximum punishments between the two offences is stark. Anyone who causes grievous hurt can be jailed up to seven years, and fined or caned. For causing hurt, the maximum punishment is one year in jail and a fine, with no caning.

... ...

Criminal lawyer Amolat Singh said: 'To the layman, this seems like an anomaly. But the legal classification is not without merits. If the police arrest every suspected assailant, our lock-ups will overflow.'

... ...

THE Penal Code lays out a list of criteria defining injuries that are serious enough to qualify as 'grievous hurt', as opposed to simple hurt.

The following kinds of 'hurt' are considered grievous:
- emasculation (as in, castration)
- permanent privation or loss of sight in either eye
- permanent privation or loss of hearing in either ear
- privation of any member or joint
- destruction or permanent impairing of the powers of any member or joint
- permanent disfiguration of the head or face
- fracture or dislocation of a bone
- any hurt which endangers life, or causes the sufferer to be in severe bodily pain, or unable to follow his ordinary pursuits, over a 20-day period

*********

Now, on my short visits back to Singapore, I can elbow the morons that rush into trains before I can get off, kick the balls (but not cut them off) of assholes who smoke their cancer sticks near taxi stands, and smack the heads of restaurant wait staff who forget to bring their brains to work, and then fly out quickly so that they can't find me !