Close Encounters With A 癲婆 (Crazy Bitch)

The apartment next to mine has been empty for almost 18 months.  From time to time, prospective buyers would come to view it, but so far there have been no takers.  

When we asked a property agent what the problem is, he told us that the buyers were making pretty reasonable offers, given the current economic environment, but the seller wanted a price that was typically 20% more and she has refused to budge.  She was willing to let her flat remain unsold until someone was willing to meet her asking price, which is in early-2008, everything-still-rosy bubble territory.

The seller was living in the apartment before she moved out last year and put it up for sale.  Shortly before she moved out, the Wife and I had a big argument with her and hence, we are really glad that she is gone, and the thought that she has a sizable sum of money tied up in the apartment in a sinking property market just delights us (okay, me) to no end.

I believe that the word we're looking for is Schadenfreude.

I even joked that we can torpedo her efforts by acting like potentially obnoxious/dangerous neighbours, while staying invisible, by louding acting out fake fights (你個死八婆，你同我攞D錢番嚟啊!  You f***ing whore !  Where's my f***ing money ?) or triad boss phone calls (仆街！你甘無lan用架 You useless piece of ****) while the prospective buyers were waiting for the lifts in the common corridor.

Of course the Wife is not as 無聊 boh-liao and refused to be my partner-in-mischief, so I can only imagine what terrifying (or amusing) effect it would have on buyers and further drag out the delay that the seller has to endure before payday.

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The bad blood between us began when Crazy Bitch (hereafter referred to as C.B.) let her two noisy little dogs run riot in the common corridor on our floor.  I've never really cared for dogs or pets of any kind.  In the case of the Wife, she's terrified of dogs, even the tiny ones that are all bark but no bite.

There were Saturday mornings when the dogs would raise a hell of a racket (akin to hogs in a slaughterhouse) in the corridor while C.B's helpers waited for the lift to take them downstairs, and once the Wife told off the helpers for rousing us from our precious weekend slumber.

Things finally came to a head one Wednesday morning last year (I remember it well because it was the day I was first interviewed for my current job)  I was getting dressed and the Wife was in the living room about to leave for the office.

I heard my Wife opening the door, and then there was some barking.  Next, my Wife was shouting something and then she slammed the door.  

She must have been spooked by the dogs in the corridor when she tried to go out, I thought.  It had happened before.  Once, one of the dogs almost ran into my apartment.

I thought nothing of it and continued to get ready for work.  Next, I heard someone pounding on my front door from the outside and yelling in Cantonese like some pissed-off loanshark.  I went into the living room and asked my Wife, "Hey, what's going on ?"

"It's the woman next door !  I was going out and her dogs were in the corridor and almost ran into our house, so I shouted at her helpers to tie them up ... Now she's outside and she's crazzzzyyyy ! 佢癲佐啊！"

I opened the door and saw this Cleopatra-coiffed, stick-thin figure in a bathrobe standing in the corridor, staring at me with a pair of eyes that looked like they were about to pop out and break the glasses perched above her flared nostrils.  It was the first time that we had met in person, since her waking hours were normally quite different from ours.

"麼野事呀，小姐？ What's the matter, miss ?"  (Okay, but the tone was more like WTF !?!?)

In summary, she said:

-  she was free to let her dogs run around if she wanted to [although the building regulations say otherwise]

-  it's not her problem that my Wife was afraid of dogs

-  we should move if we did not like it

But I snapped when she said that she knew that we were *merely* renting our apartment, while she owns hers (therefore putting me in my place on her imaginary Residents Pecking Order)  And she's rich enough to buy our unit and kick us out.  

And then she said, "Cunt" at my Wife.

"小姐 ，點解你甘無class架？同我講粗口？"  "Lady, why are you so lacking in class that you're using swear words at us ?"

And then I slammed the door in her face.  I would not be engaged in a wet-market fracas with a wretch.    

That Mid-levels address, Mongkok upbringing lowlife.

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There were no encounters after that.  After arriving at the office that morning, we called our building's management office to complain about C.B's dogs and behaviour, and were told that she had actually beat us to it and had made complaint already.  She ranted that we were rude to her and her mutts and our presence had lowered the standard of residents in the building.

My Wife and I have always been polite and gracious to the building staff, so they knew who was the likely villain in this little saga.  But at the end of the day, they could only appeal for calm and could only use soft powers of persuasion on C.B.

"Owner or tenant, all residents are equally important to us,"  the supervisor said.  "But at the end of the day, I'm just a salaried employee and these people with their multi-million dollar properties can sometimes be a pain in the arse."

To their credit, our management office did issue a circular to remind all residents to put their dogs on leashes when they are in the common areas like corridors and lifts.  They even offered to escort my Wife between our door and the lifts (a mere few steps apart) every morning. We appreciated their help but told them we did not want to be a hassle.

I had even entertained the idea of buying one of those high frequency dog repeller devices to keep C.B's dogs at bay when we needed to step out of our apartment, but alas they are illegal in Hong Kong.  (Also considered, an invisible bleach-and-vinegar minefield)  In any case, she kept her dogs under control after that and moved out a few months later.

Perhaps I should replace our doormat with one that says "Glory to the Mujahideen Martyrs" or something along those lines ... ... Just to keep that apartment on the market for a little while longer.